One thing I’ve learned from writing screenplays for more than 25 years is that your descriptions (of both scenes and characters) must be both efficient and evocative. Page count in a screenplay is limited and ‘white space’ is celebrated, so learning to be brief while simultaneously conveying the mental image you want the reader to have, will set the tone early in the read that you have a handle on the craft.
Character Descriptions.
The proper way to introduce a character is to capitalize their name, followed by their exact or not-exact age, and a short description of who they are integrated with what they’re doing. Novice writers tend to describe characters like this:
ANGIE COBB, 34, attractive in a navy suit, is busy working at her desk. She reads through a document before stamping ‘denied’ on it and continuing on to the next.
Brief? Yes. Well-written? No. What does this tell us about Angie? We know her age of course, and that she’s attractive (most actresses hired to play the role will be, of course) and that she works some type of white-collar job that offers her at least a little power. But who is Angie really?
Here’s a more evocative version:
Fixed to her chair behind piles of paperwork, ANGIE COBB, 34, stamps ‘Denied’ on a claim form before turning to the next with a gaze suggesting she gave up on her dreams long ago.
The second version is the same length (two lines) but tells us more about Angie and what she does. We know she denies claims so we can imagine she works for an insurance company or similar. We know she doesn’t like this job and that she’s overworked (neither of which we could have extrapolated from the first description). We don’t know what she’s wearing, but that detail is quite frankly, unimportant.
The best written character descriptions tell us who the character is. They tell the actor who they need to be when portraying this character. That can certainly be done at times through clothing and outward appearances, but if it’s not important that Angie’s wearing a navy-colored suit, leave it out and use that precious page space for something that is.
In my latest Hallmark script Tipline Mysteries, I introduce the detective this way:
DET. GRAZIER, late 50s, anxious to retire, purges files from his desk into a trash can.
It didn’t matter exactly what age the character is, or his ethnicity, or his body type, or what he was wearing. What mattered was that he is going to prove to be very unhelpful to the main characters and this short, one-line description sets up his apathy for his job.
Here’s another example from Mommy’s Little Boy which I wrote for Lifetime…
BRIANA WILSON, mid 30s, barely holding on to life as a mother with a weak grip, adds tequila to the blender full of ice. As she waits for the obnoxious WHIRRING to cease, she takes a sip off the bottle.
And here’s how I introduced her two sons in the scene before we meet Briana:
Two boys-- MAX WILSON, 12, and his half-brother ERIC WILSON, 10, neither of which has seen a bath in days, ride their bicycles down an idyllic suburban street. Max pulls ahead of his younger brother then intentionally swerves in front of him.
What do we know about Briana and her two children from these descriptions? We know a little about their relationships (Briana’s not an enthusiastic soccer mom to say the least, and Max is far from a protective older brother). We also know that the boys aren’t supervised or well cared for, and that Briana is, most likely, an alcoholic. We know this because I chose to introduce the characters engaging in an action that gives us a sense of who they are, not just a task that anyone could be doing.
Scene Descriptions.
We rely on scene descriptions to set up the environment. They should be brief but create a strong visual for the reader.
Prior to meeting Briana in Mommy’s Little Boy, I set the scene by scripting an exterior shot of her house, which we refer to in screenwriting as an establishing shot.
EXT. WILSON HOME - DAY
Paint-peeled shutters frame the windows of an upper middle-class home greatly in need of maintenance. The lawn, now mostly weeds, stretches from the street to the front door.
It doesn’t matter what style of home it is—one or two-stories, or what color it is. What’s important is that this house doesn’t fit into its upper middle-class neighborhood and has been neglected for quite some time. We will later learn that an event in Briana’s life caused her to lose interest in everything she has (including her home and her sons).
Here’s another example from Open by Christmas which I wrote for Hallmark Channel. These images were going to be played under the title sequence so we needed to elongate the time they spent on screen so that we wouldn’t have titles playing during the character’s first scene where she’s giving a presentation. So I made the choice to establish the lead character’s world through a series of images.
EXT. NEW YORK CITY SKYLINE - DAY
From high above the familiar skyline, snowflakes slowly spiral toward earth, and into the bustling rush hour traffic.
EXT. MANHATTAN STREET - DAY
Alive with the frenetic energy, shoppers, laden with packages, sidestep each other as they dart past holiday window displays.
EXT. CORPORATE BUILDING - DAY
Sleek and modern, the steel high-rise juts into the November sky.
Descriptions of characters and scenes are written slightly different in holiday-themed screenplays. To learn more about those, check out next week’s article (which includes a holiday word list!) titled ‘How to Write Cozy Description for Your Holiday Screenplay’ for paid subscribers only.
You’ll notice that in this series of establishing shots, I started with images that were broad and progressed to more detailed images: New York skyline, specific borough of Manhattan, specific building in Manhattan. To create a fluidity to these images, the descriptions start broad and become more specific as well: lots of buildings in the skyline, lots of snowflakes, then on to people shopping (lots of them but not a seemingly infinite number as there were with buildings in a skyline and snowflakes), and finally on to one very specific building with a specific appearance.
Together, the descriptions build a visual image of the fast-paced energy, wealth, and commerce of New York city. This was an important aspect of the story. In the movie, the lead character goes back to her small town in the Midwest for Thanksgiving (I know, I know, it’s a trope!) and the descriptions of her hometown and her parents’ humble home will be a stark contrast to NYC where she’s currently living.
Take-Aways.
Keep your descriptions brief so that they don’t take up too much space on the page
Omit all unimportant details
Capitalize the name of characters with speaking roles the first time we see them on-screen
The first time you introduce a character, include the age or age range of the character, and set off the age by using commas or parentheses
Include details (outward appearance, clothing, attitudes, actions) that show us something about who the character is, how they’re feeling, or aspects of their personality, not just what they look like
Fuse character descriptions with the character’s actions
When writing multiple establishing scenes in succession, start broad and become increasingly specific in your descriptions
If you’re a new writer, don’t be intimidated by screenplay formatting and the mandate to ‘write efficiently.’ It’s relatively easy to learn, and the more you practice and read screenplays, the better you’ll become. I have more articles on the craft of screenwriting coming out in the next few months, so stick with me and I promise you’ll get good at this.
Happy writing.
Subscribe for $80 per year to access paid and free articles (48 articles annually), resource lists, and for discounts on webinars and consulting services. For more on the craft of writing, check out my previously published articles ‘Two Types of Obstacles Your Characters Should Face’ and ‘Creating Thematic Goals for Your Characters.’
The image of NYC in this post was designed by Freepik. Please always cite an artist or author when borrowing from them.