Love Language for Writers (and Readers)

I’m a self-proclaimed, uber-proud word nerd. I love linguistics and etymology. As a child, pre-internet, I’d spend hours reading the dictionary, just imprinting words and their definitions into my brain and creating new neural pathways in and out of my left frontal lobe. Fun times!

As a writer, I see improving my vocabulary as adding new hues of paint to my artist’s palette. Our job as writers is to evocatively describe thoughts, feelings, and images with words and for that reason, I’m of the mind that you can never have too many in your repertoire.

This week, in preparation for Valentine’s Day, I’ve decided to share with you some ‘Valentine Vocab’ words and phrases that may be the exact descriptors you wish you had as you write romance. And if not, well, it never hurts to learn something new.

Image by Freepik

So here are a few of my favorites…

Belgard - (n) A loving, amorous, or affectionate glance.

This is especially useful in screenwriting when you aim to “show” instead of “tell.” Good screenplays aren’t just comprised of good dialog. Scripting actions for the characters, even subtle actions like a belgard, can convey emotion without a single word uttered from the actors’ lips.

Pangloss - (n) A person who is optimistic regardless of the circumstances.

What better subject to be panglossian about than love? Singer/songwriter Melissa Etheridge made an excellent point when she said, “There is no fear when you choose love. The more you choose love, the more love is in your life. It gets easier and easier.”

Simpatico – (adj) (Of a person) Likable and easy to get along with; or having or characterized by shared attributes or interests; compatible.

We often ask “When was the moment you knew you loved him/her/them?” That moment is almost always prefaced by the recognition that the person you’re about to fall in love with is simpatic.

Xeno - (n) the smallest measurable unit of human connection, typically exchanged between passing strangers. It’s a fleeting moment that confirms we’re not alone, whether it’s an acknowledging nod, a shared chuckle about something you both witnessed at the same time, or a flirtatious smile.

A xenolith is a rock that’s trapped fully inside another rock. It has been subsumed by something larger. We are all like the smaller rocks, subsumed by the human condition all around us.

Ineffable - (adj) Too big or extreme for words to express.

If true love is not ineffable, what is it? It is swaying and atemporal, magnanimous and overwhelming. It is simultaneously understated and existential. French Monk/Theologian/Poet Thomas Merton once wrote, “Love is, in fact, an intensification of life, a completeness, a fullness, a wholeness of life.”

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“Love is a gift of one’s inner most soul to another so both can be whole.” —Buddha

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Felix culpa - (n) An apparent error or disaster with happy consequences.

Cue the romcom! Also referred to as a ‘happy accident,’ it’s just one of many ways that people fall in love. If you don’t believe me, ask Joe Fox and Kathleen Kelly (Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan, respectively) from Who’s Got Mail?

je ne sais quoi - It’s a French term that literally means "I don't know what." It's used to describe an unnamable, special quality. If asked why you love someone, you might repond, that you don’t know; they just “have a certain je ne sais quoi.”

Agape - (n) A selfless, unconditional love, often used to describe familial or spousal affection.

Agape is an altruistic love, often used to describe the love Christ felt for his followers. It’s the kind of loved referred to when someone says, “I’d die for you.”

Syzygy - (n) A conjunction or opposition, especially of the moon with the sun; or a pair of connected or corresponding things.

Originally from the Greek word syzygos, which means ‘yoked together’ syzygy suggests that in love, two hearts are tethered together for eternity. When one moves, the other moves, and while they are not identical, they are forever linked.

Image by Freepik

Cacoethes - (n) An urge to do something inadvisable.

Love is complex. Matters of the heart sometimes contradict our logical expectations. It was Joan Crawford who said, “Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth or burn down your house, you can never tell.”

Pragma - (n) Another Greek term, pragma is the type of mature, realistic, solid love that is built between couples over time. It is long-established and suggests it can only be achieved after people have spent enough of their lives together that they have seen good and bad.

Opsigamy - (n) Marriage at an old age.

Did you know there was a word for that? Marriage isn’t necessarily synonymous with love, but there is something refreshingly romantic about finding a soulmate late in life once you’ve had time to truly get to know yourself. Why should sexagenerians, septegenarians and octogenerians be left out when it comes to love?

Epithalamium - (n) A song or poem celebrating a marriage.

Not to be confused with epithelium, which is a body tissue that covers all of your internal and external organs, the most famous epithalamium is Epithalamion by Edmund Spenser, written in 1954 to his bride, Elizabeth Boyle, on their wedding day.

And last but certainly not least…

Philautia - (n) A Greek term for self-love, or self-compassion.

Also referred to as amour-propre in French, this love encompasses an understanding of one’s self-worth and self-respect. Leadership expert and best-selling author Robin Sharma said, “It is only when you have mastered the art of loving yourself that you can truly love others.”

Until next time, happy writing, friends.

Christine Conradt is a screenwriter/author/director/producer/script consultant with 30 years experience in the film and publishing industry. You can find her romcoms on Hallmark Channel including Pearl in Paradise and As Luck Would Have It.